CREATING DEPENDENCY

Something that we see regularly in life is what some have called the “need to be needed.” It manifests itself in many ways – the domineering family member who just can’t allow others to make their own decisions; the power-hungry elected official or bureaucrat who mistrusts the ability of the people he serves; even in the missionary who holds the purse strings & thus has the final word on what “the natives” do & how they do it.

In each of these cases, the underlying problem is in the one who supposedly has the power, the best ideas, & the most abilities. That person needs others to need him/her. It is sometimes called the “messiah complex.”

When we put our own emotional need to be needed over the need of others to function as God intended them to, life takes a nose dive. We don’t know the satisfaction of seeing the fruit of our mentoring & investment in others. We cheat others of the experience of making mistakes, & of experiencing God’s grace & our encouragement.

More than that, we are unintentionally trying to force them to put us in God’s place. The bottom line is that we are telling them to become idolators.

How can my insistence that someone do what I say make them an idolator? It is because I am usurping God’s place in my relationship with that person. I am becoming the source of their wisdom, the plumb line of what is right or wrong in their life. I’m making them dependent on me. No one can develop the kind of healthy relationship that God want to have with them if there is a dependency creator standing in the way.

Mentors, parents, spiritual leaders, & even public servants are responsible to respect, believe in, & prioritize the best interests of those they serve. The best interest of every human being is predicated on a personal experience of the truth of God’s Word & continued growth based on that truth. 

Let’s be a bridge to genuine growth, not a barrier to it!